amusing questions thing

This was going around facebook, and in answering it I went a different route; one that didn't involve an angsty description of my life (by answering truthfully). Feel free to repost, if you're feeling angsty, or if you realise you can do a much better job of being funny than me.

1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
The UN, agreeing to my outrageous terms.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
No, that's what loyal minions in colour-coded jumpsuits are for.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
I give orders, they are followed, and the world trembles in fear.

5. Do You Play Sudoku?
Yes, with remote explosives and the pen-detonator from "Goldeneye".

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
Yes. The question is, would the wilderness?

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Never, I always dressed conservatively. And you misspelled "too".

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?
Pooh sticks with dynamite.

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you?
My evil plans leave no time for such frivolities.

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
I could, but they'd end up in the pirahna tank if it became an issue.

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
Oh I don't know which I love more... the thrill of chasing down some wretched snitch, or the thrill of escaping from hapless law enforcement agencies. I suppose they're both made more fun by the fact that I'm rather well armed and funded, and not above sacrificing hordes of underlings.

14. Use three words to describe you at the moment?
Incomparably superior human.

15. Do any songs make you cry?
The Bond theme used to, but not since I realised that stupid 00-agents play it on speakers every time as they approach, making them easy to get.

16. Are you continuing your education?
No need, since I already know everything.

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
A weapon, since I'd assume it was another SAS attack.

19. How often do you read books?
Never, I already have them all memorized.

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
The past is irrelevant, the present I already knew would happen, only the future is interesting.

22.What color are your eyes?
Mauve.

23. How tall are you?
two foot six, and tall with it.

24. Where is your dream house located?
In orbit, so I can observe all my territory.

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Of every FBI agent who enters one.

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
I took my Director of Counter-intelligence there last week to explain in detail how his predecessor failed and was dealt with.

29. Why are tons of questions missing?
Classified.

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
Svalbard, to destroy the new global seed-storage facility. Don't want any resistance movement to have access to a food source.

32. Do you like mustard?
Only in gas form.

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
I require neither.

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
I have neither.

35. How long does it take you in the shower?
28.62 seconds.

37. What movie do you want to see right now?
The next Bond movie, to see his plans.

39. What did you do for New Year's?
Dealt with underlings who wanted the day off, and oversaw completion of silo 4-B.

40. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
Who do you think that boy grew up to be?

42. Do you own a camera phone?
No, I communicate using telepathy.

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
See above.

45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
'?'

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
See above.

48. Do you like care bears?
I fought and destroyed them at the battle of Proxima Centauri. No-Heart continues to evade me.

49. What do you buy at the movies?
The theatre.

50. Do you know how to play poker?
How do you think I got so rich?

51.Do you wear your seatbelt?
Without fail.

52. What do you wear to sleep?
Recall how I do not require sleep.

53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
No, but pay attention on June 17th 2014.

54. How many meals do you eat a day?
See above.

55. Is your tongue pierced?
Daily.

56. Do you always read Facebook notes?
Telepathically.

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
My army's motto is "Comedians Cause Casualties".

59. Ever been to L.A.?
Facility YH-15 is there, so once or twice a year.

60. Did you eat a cookie today?
No, again see above.

61. Do you use cuss words in other languages in the appropriate situations?
I do not require 'cuss words'.

62. Do you have a crush?
Yes, a few times a year; it's such a terrifying way to intimidate the remaining underlings.

63. Do you hate chocolate?
With a vehement passion.

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
See above.

65. Are you a gullible person?
I cannot be convinced of anything.

66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
I require no happiness.

67. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be?
Supreme Emperor of Earth. And words like "if", "could", and "assuming" are unnecessary at this point.

68. Are you easy to get along with?
It is possible, although unlikely, that you'd survive an encounter with me.

69. What is your favorite time of day?
7am, when the previous day's captured secret agents are brought before me.

70. What should you be doing right now?
Preparing the serum for interrogation subject Gamma-8.