best suggestions of lost things and other stuff

The best suggestions were brain cells and sanity, which are often related. Thus I declare trek and Sarah to be the winners. However everyone made excellent suggestions; keys and cellphone are annoying as hell to lose but at least replaceable. Such things are not the end of the world.

I was, however, disappointed that we didn't get any crackpot theories about the nature of the ether itself. For shame. I personally picture it as a sort of parallel universe, or better yet a "subuniverse" of this one. It would be an infinite white space, possibly foggy so you can't see very far. Breathable air and a ground surface with Earth-like gravity and physical laws. However all entirely white everywhere, providing no reference points at all. But then if you walked around you'd start to find things in the fog. Like socks, keys, brain cells, and the sanity of stressed out people. Sound wouldn't travel past your visibility range. I dunno why, it's just the way it would be. There would probably be a large population of sock gremlins, hanging out by portals that lead into dryers. Obviously these portals only open when the dryer is running, that's why we never see them. I'm convinced that the portals would be kinda glowing green and misty, bobbing in the air and possibly emitting a low humming sound.

Here's some more real headlines that crack me up:

I love the "smile of the week". I'd be smiling if I was going to buy some sheep. And regarding the one about breathing being good for you... why is it only "most" doctors?
The last one's a survey of Americans... the question starts "Now that Iraq has..." (then continues as you can see). That answer is simply fantastic.