Builder's chat-up lines

For those of you completely incapable of linguistic extrapolation and in addition totally devoid of experience with British english, a "chat-up line" is a pick-up line. Now that my cruel and dismissive attack on my subjects is out of the way, here are a few chat-up lines that could be used by someone who works in the building trade, transcribed from my cd of the BBC's hilarious impromptu comedy radio show "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue."

"I don't just lay bricks you know..."

"I hope you don't mind a bit of banging..."

"If you're looking for someone who can be in and out within three weeks then I'm your man."

"D'you want to get felt laid down in the loft?"

"D'you want to find out why they call me "enormous bill"?... cause it'll be twice the size of your estimate..."

"You won't know I'm here."

and lastly...
"dear oh dear who put this in?"

And here's one of my favourite MXC contributions to the comedic arts, from the competition between the "porn industry" and "construction workers." The game is "dash to death" where the contestants run across an obstacle course set above muddy water. As usual Vic and Kenny are commentating.

Vic: "Here's Mike Sauszol, he's a sheet rocker moonlighting as a sink caulker.."
[Sauszol begins his run]
Kenny: "Sink caulker? So he likes doin' chicks in boats?
Vic: "errr, I wouldn't know, Kenny"
Kenny: "So, what's he do with his caulk?"
Vic: "He puts it in the crack."
Kenny: "Oh, so he's in porn then."
Vic: "Kenny! Listen! He's in construction!"
Kenny [confused]: "But.. k, err.. you say he sticks his caulk in the crack..."
Vic (under Kenny's line): "that's right"
Kenny [frustrated]: "...but he's in construction. I thought you said he was a sheep stalker!!!"
Vic: "I said 'a sheet rocker'! Plus, I was talking about caulking compound!"
Kenny [incredulous]: "He built a place to do this?!!"
Vic [frustrated]: "Caulking! It's used to fill cracks!!"
Kenny: "Am I missing something here?
Vic: "Well thanks to you, Kenny, we've pretty much missed the entire run..."

There are other, possibly better ones, but I watched that episode last night. I plan to transcribe more hilarity from both ISIHAC and MXC in future. There are a few "gardener's chat-up lines" and "musician's chat-up lines" so stay tuned.

You have my permission to go. Cheers!