Life update and Goon Show

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Ok before I get on with the post I gotta tell you about this that I just found this while surfing around. It's hilarious and very fun. GO HERE GO HERE GO HERE!!!

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Wow I haven't posted since Tuesday. This is the longest drought ever. I haven't had much to say really. I been out drinking at a place downtown where I joined a club called the "around the world in 80 beers club". What you do is within 1 year you have to drink one of each of their 80 beers from around the world, and you get prizes along the way. By the end if you do it, you have earned several free appetizers, some wings, a nice beer mug, and a place of honour on a wall plaque along with fellow world beer afficionados.

I helped out with overseeing and then marking a small quiz on Wednesday. It was clearly brutal for some in the class. And why don't people understand that a to draw and label a section through a crystal does not involve drawing a 3D representation of the crystal, or drawing the stereonet, or writing down what you think it would look like, or drawing 16 different diagrams one of which you hope is the right one. No, the whole question was answerable with three lines and a four numbers, drawn in the right places. TAing was much better this week thank god. We were using the microscopes and for the first time I felt I actually knew what I was talking about.

Here's some goon show hilarity for your enjoyment:

This scene is set is in the jungles of Malaysia, where 10,000 british troops have landed, and are bivouacked for the night. Their mission is to make it to Kuala Lumpur where a prototype British rocket has landed. The rocket is designed to deliver tea to British soldiers in battle, the idea being that this will make them virtually invincible. A pair of Russian spies are among them, planning to sabotage the rocket (it's called a jet-propelled guided NAAFI, the NAAFI is a real Brit organisation founded during WWII to supply tea and crumpets etc. to troops). One of them, Moriarty, approaches the tent of the leader of these troops, Major Bloodnok, who is highly unscrupulous. The conversation is carried out very fast, with few pauses, which makes it very funny.

Moriarty: psst! Psssst! Major Bloodnok!
Bloodnok: Oh-hoh! Don't come in my tent yet please just a moment.... [quietly] good night darling I'll see you later. [aloud] Ahem now, errm, come in!
Moriarty: Thank you. Now, Major Bloodnok?
Bloodnok: A civilian! How dare you enter my tent, sir!
Moriarty: But it's the only way I could get in!
Bloodnok: For all you know I might have had some ladies in here! Get out!
Moriarty: Be quiet or I'll tell them who sold those three cardboard tanks!
Bloodnok: What?!! It's all lies! In any case they never paid me! Do you know what happened to me last night?
Moriarty: No?!
Bloodnok: Thank heavens for that. Now then, state your business, sir.
Moriarty: Tomorrow we reach the only jet-propelled guided NAAFI in the world. It must be destroyed!
Bloodnok: What?!! Are you a spy?!!
Moriarty: Yes.
Bloodnok: Then why are you covered in mints?
Moriarty (shouting): I'm a mint spy! [mince pie is a british xmas food]
Bloodnok: Merry Christmas!
Moriarty: I don't wish to know that! Merry Christmas to you too. Now, would you be willing to sabotage this secret, guided NAAFI?
Bloodnok: I'll have you know that I am a patriotic English gentleman, sir!!
Moriarty: And what does that mean?
Bloodnok: It means I'll only do it for money.
Moriarty: Very well. Here is a carbon copy of an imitation hundred-pound note.
Bloodnok: Wait a moment! How do I know this carbon copy isn't a forgeon?!
Moriarty: Look! Look here, here is a life-sized oil painting of me robbing a bank with it!
Bloodnok: But it shows you clean shaven!
Moriarty: I was wearing an invisible beard!
Bloodnok (exclaims): Great malleable lumps of steaming thung!
Moriarty: I apologise.
Bloodnok: You Chinese think of everything!
Moriarty: But I'm not Chinese!
Bloodnok: Then you must have forgotten something. Give me the money.
[cash register cha-ching]
Bloodnok: Ohhh that tune how it haunts me.

That's all for today. Except that in order to prevent you all rupturing something with suspense, I will tell you that the sabotage is prevented, but the guided NAAFI ends up in Aldershot.

I'll write again when I have something more amusing to tell you.

Cheers!

Dear Friends,

Not happy about election. Maybe now would be the time to go see Harper at his campaign headquarters, the morning after. Probably could get some nasty passed-out drunk or hangover pictures. Those would look good on the cover of the Globe. National Post wouldn't publish them. But before he takes charge and we are plunged into a dark age of decay, I will do what three of my friends have done (here, here, and here) and make a Valentine checklist. See how eligible you may or may not be with this list!

(250 pts) Gin-yew-aaane livin' breathin' female!

(10) not put off by my youth. It doesn't mean I'm not mature or experienced in life.

(10) doesn't smoke

(10) not a picky eater

(15) geologist
(10) other scientist
(5) not in science but has at least an interest in science

(10) intelligent

(10) generally happy, optimistic

(5) like hiking

(5) like camping

(5) like travel

(10) like to combine all three

(5) not vegetarian

(10) sing/play a musical instrument

(5) willing to try new things (foods, activities)

(5) tall but not taller than me

(5) like to read books

(10) not tee-totaler (anti-alcohol)

(10) does not keep a rat/dog in her purse, or have any compulsion to do so.

(5) not addicted to shopping or the mall

(5) Does not agree with me on every issue

(10) natural redhead
(5) natural brunnette

(15) find Monty Python hilarious

(10) know what you want to do with your life

(5) truly excited by the prospect of a long trip by bike/kayak/foot

(5) not put off by my addiction to loud angry music

(5) know what a Bugatti Veyron is, and what makes it special. OR know the difference between inline, boxer, V, and flat engine layouts. 5 bonus points if you know both.

(5) willing to listen (or at least suppress rage) while I talk on and on about that kind of crap

(10) Not overly religious (i.e. not out to convert me)

(10) capable of slacking without fretting about stuff that needs to get done

(10) capable of effectively communicating wants/needs in straightforward english

(5) not put off by my terrible memory

(10) not overly concerned with money, i.e. is not prerequisite to happiness, or measurement of success.

That's it. Not too bad eh? If you like, post a comment with your score out of 500 (credit for this system goes to Travis).

Cheers!

Election Day and Other Rabbits

Hey Canadian friends of voting age! Its election day and time to decide which group of corrupt, lying, immoral, conniving, childish, insidious, theiving bastards is going to run our country for a bit, so get out and vote for the ones you like best where ever you are! I know many of you think there is no point, and there isn't, but do it just the same, if only to shut up the old people who complain about us lackadaisical young people.

Polls yesterday were:
NDP: 18%
LIB: 27%
CON: 37%

hmmmm.

Being better than all of you I already voted, because that's what they do for better people. An immaculate Jeeves comes around to your place with a golden ballot (that's worth 1,000 regular ballots) on a solid silver platter, and you sign it with a pen made of uranium-238 and filled with mercury (you don't want to steal that one, and not just because it's rather heavy).

So what is it that makes Canada such a wonderful democracy? Well the only difference between our current state and a despotic single party rule system is the fact that we have, in genuine existence, the Conservatives and the NDP. Nevertheless we only usually vote for the Liberals anyway, so understandably they've become a bit used to it. This time it appears to be different, though. Finally the Canadian public looks like they have decided they're fed up with corruption in the obese Liberals, and may vote them out.

Trouble is the only other option that isn't generally derided as a wasted vote is the Conservatives. They have the platform that meshes the least successfully with my own well constructed view of how the universe (or at least the country) should be run. To be honest none of the big parties meet my demanding requirements. But the NDP is closest (they appear to at least somewhat care about the environment, which as my degree has taught me is rapidly going to shit). But since they are seen as a wasted vote, they are a wasted vote. Poor Layton during the debates, trying to appeal to people "please, we're not idiots, we could do this, give us a chance...". More spending with no tax increase while maintaining a balanced budget? That leaves the budget surplus for more spending and that's it. They're dreamers, but so are the other parties and I prefer the NDP dream.

The party platforms each have their good points, and the conservatives will probably do good things for our economy (which is pretty good already), but wave goodbye to that marijuana decriminalisation bill, and same sex marriage may be revoked, and we may even start to get those "darwinism vs creationism" issues like they have in the states (sorry it's "creation science", and if there was ever a more stretched definition of the word "science" I never saw it). Harper appeared and spoke at an anti gay-marriage rally on parliament hill last year. This really bothered me; that's not your forum for complaint, Mr. Harper. I also get the distinct impression that his idea of contributing to the environment is passing wind.

And let's look at the candidates: Martin looks like he and his party have been at the trough for too long (he sometimes looks like an overweight chipmunk), Harper always looks like he's sneering (he reminds me of a weasel), and only Layton actually looks like he cares. He probably doesn't give a rat's ass but what's important is that it appears that he does.

I suppose since he's just a C-train and bus ride away, I could go and party with Harper like he's an old friend I've always supported... then get roaring drunk and spend the night trying to jump between him and tv cameras. Or holding up Communist Party of Canada signs in the background whenever he's on camera.

I think that the best idea is if whoever gets in with a minority government makes as big a hash of it as they possibly can for one year, then a non confidence vote can get us an election in which there is a more clear choice... and we can make a firm decision.

I've complained a lot in this post about our own brand of government, but to be honest I don't think too much will change for me whoever gets in. Canada is an amazing country to live in and I count myself extremely lucky to live here now. It can always be improved and we should never stop striving to improve it, but they don't vote us the best place to live in the world for nothing.

And the other rabbit in the post (hahaha sounds like a Monty Python sketch... "Excuse me I'd like to mail this rabbit-shaped parcel to Leicester") is the one living near me. I saw it on Friday night while I was returning from the store; a white (cat, I thought) ran across the road down the street from me and almost got nailed by a pickup turning onto the street, the driver of which was trying his/her best to kick the tail out with the throttle (and frankly not doing a very good job). Then last night while returning from the co-op I saw it again. It was in the band of park-like tree-lined-grassland-with-path that runs behind the co-op and other stores of the Brentwood Centre. Again I thought "Oh, a white cat." but then it approached me and I saw that it was more of a loping style of movement, so for a second I thought it was an injured cat and maybe dodging in front of sketchy drivers had caught up with it. Then of course I saw the ears and all was clear. It was one big rabbit (big as a large cat). It wasn't afraid of me, it passed within three metres at a casual lope, and then I crouched down, held out my hand, and tried to get its attention. It stopped, and looked sideways at me. It's expression was clear: "what the hell is this idiot thinking? Does he really believe a bunch of clicking sounds and a clearly empty upturned palm are going to make me want to be his best friend? Loser." And off it loped into the night.

So there's a rabbit with an attitude in my neighborhood, and it scares me. It's big and hides well in the snow, and if it's not afraid of skill-less loonys attempting to powerslide half-tons, what chance do I have?!

Suggestions please.

Cheers.

Geology parties are always fun

Hey y'all!

Went to a geo grad party last night. It was great we drank lots of beer and tequila and somehow I wasn't hung over. The Calgary transit system is not bad either, it was pretty easy to look up what bus to take from what C-train station to get there, I just wish the buses ran after midnight. The C-train does, but the last bus I needed to get was at 00:01, kinda early. We played darts on the brand new dartboard in the newly refinished basement, and put several lovely little holes in the newly painted wall. I, thankfully, was not one of those that hit the wall. No I just broke two brand new darts. Seriously... threw them at the board, hit near to the bullseye both times, and the tips broke because I hit the metal band around the outer bullseye.

Shoot! I just realised I've missed the ultimate frisbee game I said I'd go to last night. Oh well it wasn't clear which team I'd play for or anything, and I suspect most of them will have forgotten anyway. But dammit I would really have enjoyed that!

Nothing else to say today... soon a template change for the blog... I want one of my own pics to be the background for the title etc. (eg shot above... one of the best of my 2000+ europe pics, this one's from the Isle of Mull in Scotland.)

Cheers!

Second post today.... I got tagged (by jenn)

Don't forget to read my first post today, below. It's a few moments' laugh.

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life:
1. Paper Boy, the Daily Gleaner, Fredericton
2. Research Assistant, Structural Geology, UNB (field assistant, twice)
3. Research Assistant, Geophysics, UNB
4. Geologist, TerrAtlantic Engineering Ltd.

Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over Again:
1. The Matrix (first one only)
2. Gladiator
3. Lord of the Rings Series
4. Star Wars series

Four Places You've Lived:
1. Cambridge, England (1.5 yrs)
2. Fredericton, NB (~19 yrs)
3. Ormskirk, England (1 yr)
4. Calgary, AB (since Jan 4, 2006)

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch:
1. Top Gear
2. MXC
3. Simpsons
4. CSI (original Las Vegas series)

Four Places You've Been on Vacation:
1. Isle of Mull, Scotland
2. Santorini, Greece
3. Old Man River, Belize
4. Ste. Sauveur, Quebec

Four Blogs You Visit Daily:
1. Artificialexistence
2. Jennsrandomcity
3. Shoeism
4. Chocoholicdreams

Four of Your Favourite Foods
1. Steak
2. Indian stuff
3. Fish Pie
4. Ruffles All-Dressed Chips

Four Places You'd Rather Be:
1. Mountains
2. River kayaking
3. Field Mapping, anywhere
4. Kicking my friends' arses at Smash Bros

Four Vehicles You've Owned:
(not at financial stage of car ownership, cars were my parents')
1. 2001 Toyota Rav4, standard. So fun, so great in the snow, I love it. 2.0L I4 vvt-i.
2. 2001 Honda Odyssey. Amazing sounding v6 3.0L vtec. (btw in the last 15 yrs Honda has made over 17 million vtec engines. Not one of them has gone wrong.)
3. 1995 Ford Windstar. Crap mechanically, but nicely done inside and comfy. 3.6L V6 (most wasteful and least powerful engine of all, way to go Ford)
4. 1989 Chevy Blazer (fullsize one). Crap inside, but amazing as a field vehicle. 5.7L v8.

Four People to be Tagged:
(I think most of those I know have already been hit....)
1. Sarah
2. Tobin
3. Shannon (if Jenn hasn't already got to her)
4. Joe (make a blog you stressed out madman!)

Headlines

Hello my puppets.... ahem, ummm, friends.

There are no subliminal messages in my blog, I swear. Meanwhile on another pertinent issue, here is a bunch of brilliant and real headlines featured on the Tonight Show.... you can find them all and more here. It's a terrific waste-of-time site. Here's a few favourites.

This says it all.

So 40% is a majority now eh? This gives the election a new twist.

The series is over. I promise that for now it will be relatively brief posts only. No more long anecdotes about almost dying in the mountains.

I got a cellphone. Most of you got the e-mail I'm sure. It's fairly expensive but not too bad considering it makes a regular phone plan superfluous.

TAing sucked today. Again I had no clue. There was one problem in particular that pissed me off. The text book and all websites (eg) say that a "zone axis" is a line in 3D to which a set of planes (crystal faces) are parallel. However, if you look on that website, there are three red faces in the second example there, and if you think about it there is no line that is parallel to all three. And the third, fouth, and fifth examples there all have faces that are clearly parallel to a vertical line, but are apparently in different zones. It's not the just website; the text and class notes say the exact same thing. Maybe they're using a new definition for "parallel" which means "not parallel".

I love the Top Gear tv show... I'm trying to download lots of them, but they're big and slow to download. Those guys are freaking hilarious. They argue about every car they show, making it really good for showing pros and cons of everything. They have their own test track and an anonymous test driver (ex racer) called "The Stig" who sets fast standard times with every car they review. This is a brilliant idea, and they have all the cars' lap times on a giant list on the wall. They also have ridiculous races like Ferarri vs Fighter Jet and Citroen vs pigeon. Please take a few minutes to watch this clip (80 mb wmv)... it is great and the car is insane! I want one so much! I have a few full shows and the brit humour is brilliant.

Ok I'm bloody tired and now going to beddy beddy beddy bedfordshire.

Grum's Stories of the Field Part 4 (Final)

Greetings good subjects.

I spent most of today interviewing potential field assistants and drooling over the new Mazdaspeed 6, an all-wheel-drive, 275 bhp, turbocharged, re-suspensioned improvement on the original Mazda 6 (which was already a powerful, smooth handling car). The Mazdaspeed 6 comes close to challenging the niche of the Subaru WRX STi; it may be 25 bhp down on the scooby, but it's also like $15,000 CAD cheaper, and (although this is largely subjective) I think it looks better. Bose sound system too.

Field assistants are hard to choose. Do you go with the guy with lots of climbing and hiking experience but almost no geology, or the guy who's in third year and does really well in class but has little mountain experience? There are in betweens too, but at least everybody seems really easy to get along with (which is really the most important issue here).

Ok time for the final and most harrowing episode of near-death mountain experiences: The Fall.

It was the second helicopter camp of summer 2004. On about the third day we hiked from camp along the side of the mountain, in the direction of a sub-peak of Cranberry Mountain (see above photo). We walked around the back of the peak (out of view of the photo) and then came back along the same way (along the snow above and to the left of the words "fall location"). Andy continued along above the snow at "fall location" on a dangerous ledge which we'd already walked along once, to see the rocks on it again. I decided to use the lower snow as a 'highway' to get back to camp faster and start dinner (and avoid the danger, ironically). So I climbed down to the beginning of the snow, and casually stepped out onto the steep slope, heel first, so as to dig in and not slide down. The photo is looking to the West, and since the mountainside is quite steep the sun goes off the snow there at about 2 in the afternoon. By 4:30 the snow has hardened to an icy hardpack and my foot went straight out from under me, catching me totally by surprise.

I immediately realised the danger, and attempted a "self-arrest" manoeuver. This involves jamming the blunt end of the ice axe head under your shoulder, and pressing the sharp serrated end into the snow with your body weight, while gripping the axe on the top with your hand. The snow was hard enough that the axe jumped out when I tried to do this, flipping me onto my back. The shotgun (last resort bear protection) was strapped to my pack with the barrel down, meaning that as soon as I landed on my back the barrel dug into the snow and flipped me completely over, through upright, very fast (due to the already high speed) and I landed hard on my stomach facing downhill. What I saw is burned into my mind forever. At the end of the rapidly ending snow slope was about 10 metres of sharp boulders, still very steep, followed by a cliff. At this point I'm pretty sure my eyes bugged out of their sockets like Wile E Coyote's when he notices that he's walked off a ledge into thin air. My response was instinctive; I needed to stop, now! I dug my fingers and the toes of my boots into the snow with all my body weight. The fingers were more effective at slowing me and so I rotated around to be facing uphill again, this was better, apart from the fact that I was still gaining speed and now I couldn't see how far it was to the edge. The ice axe was still strapped to my wrist and desperately I grabbed for it. I tried twice to dig it in with my right arm, with no luck. In a last ditch, all or nothing, do or die effort, I grabbed the long end of it with both hands (this required releasing the only effective brakes I had going) and hauled it high over my head. I shut my eyes and swung with all my might (difficult when prone and going fast over bumpy ice) and slammed the sharp end into the snow, hoping beyond hope that it stayed in. It held. It was effective at slowing me. Without opening my eyes I reached up with my right hand and clamped it over the top of the axe, pulling my body over it and adding all my weight to the pursuit of wonderful wonderful friction...

The noise and flying snow stopped, quite suddenly. I opened my eyes to confirm it. Yes I was stopped. I checked my footing. I was on the sharp boulders with my feet and knees. I rolled into a sitting position and unbuckled my pack. My hands, face, and stomach were raw and scratched by the hardpack (sliding down had pulled my coat and shirt up). My hat was 100 metres up where the slide had started. My pant legs and shirt were packed with icy snow that had been forced into them by the speed. The ice axe was stuck deep in the snow at the end of a long gauge etched into the icy slope. I kissed it; no shame in that, it saved my life. Had I taken fractionally longer to get the ice axe embedded in the snow, I would have been screwed; one more metre and the axe would have hit the boulders, and become useless. They were steep and I would have bounced over them and off the edge. I can't actually tell you how long it lasted, since it seemed to take about ten hours. But my best estimation is at most 20 seconds.

It took me 10 minutes to collect myself. I couldn't bring myself to cut steps and climb the slope to get my hat. I just headed for camp, now intimately aware of the snow conditions and able to react appropriately. I checked snow conditions on slopes every time I stepped onto them thereafter.

That's it, that's the closest I ever came to being dead. I arrived back at camp and Andy was already there cooking dinner. He saw my beaten, snowy, cold appearance and his wise words were: "Mountain one, Graham zero." It was funny.

But I can honestly tell you that no steak ever tasted so damn good as the one that confirms that you are still alive.

Grum's Stories of the Field Part 3

My apologies to those who fainted while holding their breath waiting for this entry to be posted. And if you hit your head when you fell, then that's really too bad.

I'm probably going to get a cell phone. Unfortunately all the cell companies are money-grubbing bastards with weak mountain coverage and very simple plans which happen to have more fine print than the National Library and Archives of Canada when viewed from 35,000 ft.

Well on with this next episode, The Sky is Falling.

Ok well it wasn't the sky but actually even more frighteningly, the mountain. Or at least bits of it. It was summer 2004, the second time I was a Monashee Mountains field assistant. We had had a very long, very hard day, with some very precarious ledge walking involved (see above pic #1 with my route in red, click for bigger image). This was by far the most dangerous and longest ledge walk ever. It was about 500 m of crampon-less and rope-less scrambling and with a near vertical drop up to a quarter of a vertical kilometre on the right. The grass, where there was grass, was slippy and sloped towards the edge. This induced some totally gut wrenching slip moments, but was generally safe since I had my ice axe hooked deep into any hold it could find. I owe it my life. The danger was not here, though. No it was further on (see pic #2).

In this pic it's the end of the day and we walked in this direction (away from my location) on the scree (loose boulders) under that peak on the left there. The peak is a long way away, meaning that the vertical cliff, looming over the scree, that forms the side of the peak is very very big. We need to climb over it to get back to camp (which is almost directly on the other side of that peak). We eventually found a good safe route further down the hill that is hidden from view in that pic, but not before disaster almost struck.

So we're walking on the scree (which is inherently unstable), and Andy is just a few metres from the cliff face (looking for a way up), while I'm a couple of dozen out finding safer more compacted scree boulders to walk on. We hear a familiar and in this case particularly horrible sound from high above: a sharp, almost hollow crack. The unmistakeable sound of a large falling boulder hitting solid rock. We look up, and it is for a moment still invisible, but then I see it first. It's like slow motion; this (full) backpack sized boulder comes spinning out from up high on the cliff, and at a glance it's headed straight for Andy. I shout, he sees, he jumps, leaving his ice axe where he was standing. He lands awkwardly in the scree, on his backpack and arm, and slides with a small rockfall for a short distance. The boulder lands exactly where he had been standing, and smashes his ice axe to aluminium smithereens. Luckily it did not roll down the hill on top of him, but just pushed some smaller boulders down to where he was scrabbling to get out of their way.

He stood up, his eyes wide, and stared at his hand, on which the little finger was askew. "Ahh! I dislocated my little finger!" he said. He popped it back in. "Ahh!!! I popped it back in!!" he said, apparently quite surprised by this. Then we got the hell out of there, staying well away from the actual face for as long as possible. The climb up was bloody hard for Andy once we found our faulted scree to climb, since he had a busted ice axe and dislocated pinky finger. He made a small splint once we got back to camp and was ok though. Thankfully it was our second last day of fieldwork.

The moral of the story is to be bloody careful when hanging about under cliffs; even if there's nobody up there to be pushing rocks down at you, they can still fall on their own. Actually I have seen, through binoculars, a mountain billy-goat walk up to a large boulder teetering on an edge, put his horns against it, push it over, and lean way out to watch it bounce down the mountain. No joke. Why they do this, what possible benefit it could have for their survival (other than it is fun to watch), completely eludes me.

Next time the last and most horrid episode of my stories of the field series. This was the closest I ever came to dying, or at least serious injury. Don't miss it.

Cheers.

Grum's Stories of the Field Part 2

So hello again grumfans.

Yes I am posting twice today because I am bored.

Joe has pms. Well he calls it "perfect man syndrome", but I prefer to just call it pms without further explanation. We were discussing what women want in a perfect man. I suggested that he should be able to chop wood and raise cattle. Joe suggested it was raising wood and chopping cattle. I agreed. We then agreed that women have no idea what they want and that our many skills of chopping and raising both cattle and wood are wasted on them. The truth is women are crazy and we'll never understand them. Mind you so is Joe, but he's the happy kind of madman, who gets far more delight out of chopping cattle than he probably should. Go Joe! Oh yeah he also helped me park the rav in the garage sideways some months ago, see above. Yes we managed 360 degrees. Its a small (and wonderfully fun) car, and a big garage.

Ok time for the second harrowing episode of grum's tales of near death in the field. This time: Overloaded helicopter versus Downdrafts by a ridge.

Ok so this was, again, the first of the two seasons i was a field assistant. The guys had sent me back to Revelstoke early with approximately 300 kg of rocks, to save on helicopter space for when they were extracted three days later. So it was me, Matt the pilot, five or six buckets full of rock samples, food and propane for the girls from Carelton University, and my personal gear in the Bell 206 Jetranger. The plan was to drop off the food and propane to the ladies at their camp, before heading home. They were camped on the lee face of a ridge on Mount Thor, about 30 km south of Revelstoke. For those unfamiliar with a 206, they are small and cannot carry much weight. For those unfamiliar with helicopters in general, they are flimsy and lightweight, and easily pushed about by the wind. So Matt was clearly unhappy about 300kg of extra mass to begin with (every single time he's extracted us he eyes the buckets of rocks critically). So we approach their camp, and just as we get below the top of the ridge and are preparing to set down, I sense the subtlest of sways in the copter, nothing that alarms me. I am busy watching the girls waving at us. I completely failed to notice that we had been shoved towards the ground by a serious downdraft whipping over the ridgetop, a situation which Matt cannot remedy by trying to rise due to the extra mass. To my great surprise he suddenly jammed the stick into his left thigh and the copter fell, sideways, across the ridge. We levelled out and (with no embellishment at all) he put the body of the copter between two trees as the rotors went over their tops. This clued me in to how much altitude we had lost so suddenly. I looked at Matt. He apologised over the headphones and explained what happened in a commendably calm voice. He was quite clearly sweating. We landed further downhill away from the dangerous ridgetop and the girls, who'd had a perfect view of all of it (including the sudden drop which I had not noticed), came over to check we were ok.

I didn't clue in until well after we had reached Revelstoke and I'd got back to our house of lodging how close we had come to smashing the fragile aluminium aircraft all over Mount Thor.

All's well that ends in the well. Or something.

Don't miss tomorrow's thrilling installment, when we almost get killed by falling boulders at the end of a long hard day. To prevent stress in this stress-filled world, which inevitably causes irritability, hernias, drinking, and finally death from cirrhosis of the liver, I can let you know that nobody is killed, and in fact the only injury suffered is a dislocated pinky finger, which was soon fixed (with shock and awe). To maintain some sense of suspense, the details of exactly whose pinky finger becomes dislocated will remain a mystery. It is thought that this is a safe level of stress.

Cheers y'all.

Grum's Stories of the Field Part 1

So I was, again, wrong about the syncopation in the Meshuggah song. I spent about 45 minutes analysing various bits of it last night (yes I am insane) and in this section it is in fact the somewhat simpler 4/3 timing (and this time I'm certain). However the three that I suggested are very close together actually. Using common denominators, we get that 4/3 = 160/120, 7/5 = 168/120, and 11/8 = 165/120. I can play it now, thank god. It was really bothering me. I also deciphered a (weak) pattern in a part that sounds entirely random, which was very satisfying. It really bothers me when I don't understand things, and once I do I tend not to forget the understanding... I think this is why I can slack and yet still do ok. I guess that's what my memory is good for, 'cause it's good for little else!

I thought I'd begin a three or four part series today, entitled Grum's Stories of the Field. There are three or four near-death experiences to mention, and while most of you have heard them it has come to my attention that there are those of you that haven't. The first story is the bear attack. If you have heard this story ad nauseum don't blame me if you read it and are bored.

Paul McNeill, for whom I had been hired as the field assistant for the summer, had had to rush home for two weeks as his wife's grandmother had passed away. This left me doing very little in Revelstoke. To occupy me and get some use out of me, Paul Williams (the venerable professor) took me as his field assistant into the fly camp (camp accessed by helicopter) of Stefan Kruse and his field assistant Alice Gillam. There we had a smashing time, meeting a lot of interesting wildlife, like "Penelope", the cute woodrat living in the boulders by the kitchen, who ate beans right out of Stef's hand and was generally unafraid of us. One day we hiked far to the west, all four of us. We didn't bother to bring the shotgun as there were four of us, and there has been no documented bear attack on a group of four or more people. On the way back, however, Stef and I got a bit ahead of Paul and Alice (maybe a minute or so). I was about 5 paces behind him; we were walking along the flank of a mountain, on a relatively steep snow slope. The peak was up to our right, and to our left was a low ridge obscuring our view down the hillside. The ridge ended fairly abruptly and beyond it the view was unobstructed. As Stef passed the end of the ridge he suddenly stumbled backwards up the hill grabbing at his hip (where his bear spray and bear banger were in a holster). I was confused, thinking he had just stumbled, and said "what... what's up?" Two paces later I came into view of downhill, and what I saw caused immediate instinctive reactions within me. A large grizzly bear was running, shockingly fast, up the slope towards us. On another ridge well below her were two large cubs, probably yearlings. Her teeth were bared and she was "huffing" loudly in that way that grizzlies do, to so effectively demonstrate that they are angry, as she pounded up the hill. I took all this in at a glance and without thinking took less than two seconds to unholster, bring out to the front, and pop the safety off my bear spray (my practised record was about 5 seconds). I also feebly raised my aluminium ice axe, ready for some desperate self defence. But by the time I had looked back up from my bear spray, she had turned tail. I saw her disappear over the lower ridge and the cubs followed. At this moment Stef finally managed to get his bear banger to fire, and the firework ascended over where the bear had been, exploding with a deafening bang. Finally he found words and screamed at the others "BEAR, BEAR!!!!!!". I stood, still ready for a fight, shaking a bit. Paul and Alice ran up and after assuring themselves that we hadn't been mauled, examined the tracks (very briefly) before leading us back to camp, as a close group this time. Where she had turned around she had slid more than two metres uphill, indicating a pretty significant speed (but Stef and I knew that already). We figure that she thought "two guys is too many" once I came into view, or maybe it was my red hair. Needless to say we took the shotgun every day thereafter. There's an experience people rarely feel these days, though: the feeling of being the prey, that there is a creature there who can easily kill you, and wants to, and you are almost powerless to stop it. Few events can give you adrenaline like that.

Wow that's a long blog. Sorry to those of you who had better things to do but were riveted and couldn't stop reading. This is the official, unabridged, unembellished version. Oh except for the estimated weight of the bear. That has to increase every time the story is told. By now I'm up to about 1400 lbs. Actually she was estimated by Paul Williams (who's done a lot of tracking) to be between 500 and 800 lbs. That's a lot of angry mammal. Undisputed kings and queens of the mountains I say. I love bears, and feel no resentment or anything, it's their home really, not ours.

Cheers mates!

Correction

It's actually 7/5 I do believe. I could be wrong again, though. If I determine that I am I will keep you all informed on this matter of utmost importance. In any case its ridiculous and I have a hard enough time following it, let alone trying to play it with all the crazy random timing of guitars going on.

G

Mall

Hello developing fan base.

Today I woke up late, did some messenger and e-mail, and then went to the Market Mall about 25 or 30 minutes' walk away. It was my natural instinct to explore that drove me... and that a friend who has been here before advised it as there is a store selling british stuff, like marmite, which I may like to check out. I actually can get marmite at the co-op three minutes away but nevertheless, it was a nice day and I wanted to do some walking.

I hate malls. With a deep passion. There is no deeper cesspool of western materialism than the mall. This one was little different. Crammed with most of Calgary's rudest and least appealing filths, and overpriced sweatshop-produced clothing. The british store wasn't bad, but there was a distinct lack of proper McVities digs. I did acquire my long-time favourite milky bar buttons, which are basically unavailable anywhere other than Britain and this store. While wandering around and generally hating all of it I caved and also bought three cds and a cheap video game. I figured that as much as I hate malls, it is rather convenient to have this stuff in the same place.

The cds aren't bad. I bought eMotive, by A Perfect Circle... but it has significant copy lock technologies on it and I can't transfer it to my ipod, at least not without messing about on the net trying to find the right cd crack. I also bought "I" by Meshuggah, which I heard a bit of through my bro back home. This stuff is madness. It is very heavy and the timing is simply excellent. There is just one song on the cd, 21 minutes long, and there is a section where for about three minutes the drummer does 11/8 timing between the snare and high hat, respectively. This is of the most extreme difficulty. Ever tried to do 3/2 timing? Or 4/3, or 5/4? These timings are typically regarded as challenging and especially difficult to keep up during a busy song. 11/8 is unheard of and it took me quite some time to differentiate it from 5/4 since there is only one more hit in two bars. But it's done flawlessly, and not by computer. Meshuggah have amazingly random moments and they remind me of Dillinger Escape Plan. Not available through limewire so far as I've found though. Oh well I'm not against supporting fledgling Swedish math-metal artists with my dollars.

Stay tuned for more tomorrow. Or perhaps Monday. Depends how I feel about you all.

Cheers.

By Bluebeard's Nunchucks!!!

Greetings again.

I thought I'd say a few words about this blasted election, but its all been said. And since few among you will disagree with me, it would all be very self-affirmatory but not very productive. And by this time (three pints down and two regulars), I really don't feel like spending the mental energy. Rather, I'd like to go to bed.

But first I'd just like to respond to some complaints that I've received. Firstly, I don't necessarily share the views of W. C. Fields, but that doesn't prevent me from finding his quote very funny. (hahahaha women are like elephants!) Also my roms are not, necessarily, illegal, since they are no longer being made. I believe copyright law allows the redistribution (although not for profit) of copyrighted information if it is no longer available for purchase. Thirdly I point to weebl and bob (again) for support in that without pie there is, in fact, only chaos. The world has known pie for quite some time, and before its invention life was chaotic. There were empty pie dishes and pie-less people everywhere, and that made for a lot of chaos. I would also assert that ice-cream is a more recent invention than the pie (or at least is certainly only recently readily available in the stead of pie), and that therefore if there had been no pie earlier than the times of ice-cream (but while pie was generally available), there would have been only chaos. And finally you are not a drunkard unless you drink before the sun goes over the yard-arm. That usually happens at about 4 pm, but I suppose it also depends on where your ship is in the world, which way it is oriented, and where exactly your yard-arm is. And if you're in the high arctic in the summer and the sun is up all day but low, then you'd better drink all the time. Its they only way you'll enjoy being unable to sleep in the perpetual sunlight.

Ok, comments mostly dealt with. Except to say to the SSGL, get knotted you surface scum suckers. Find some REAL rocks to look at. Rocks that'll take chunks outta your face when you smack them with the hammer. You guys use the most wimpy rock hammers ever. Like 1 lb and with a scratchy end so you can carve your name and romantic interests in your samples. Losers. Our hammers have to be 4 lbs at least and we need several chisels to retrieve one decent chunk of rock. If we wanted to carve our names we'd have to use precious gems... you guys could use your teeth without doing any damage. You also couldn't tell the difference between a quartz-plagioclase-amphibole granulite and a gabbroic intrusive to save your lives. You also most likely drink coolers, or guinness (which is only 4.5%), or maybe apple juice. Not that I'm knocking apple juice though. Its damn good stuff.

Ok that's enough drunken sedimentologist bashing for today.

Oh yeah... if you've never basked in the glorious aura of Bubb Rubb I suggest you do so, here.

The whistles go whooooooooooooo!!!

And there's a lot of garbage on the net (eg pic above) referring to this stuff. But its just fo' decoration yo.

Cheers.

Without pie there is only chaos.

So its another red letter day in my world. Mind you every day I'm still alive is a red letter day for me. Life is short and nasty.... blah blah blah. Today I was a TA. Actually I was taught things by the students, so I was a really bad TA, but nevertheless, I'm paid and I don't get marked, so even if I suck I win. The class is all about crystallography.. U of C is one of the few remaining schools where the geology program requires it. I learned none of it. The simple truth is that you can determine anything you want to know about a rock sample very quickly and easily using X-ray diffraction and an electron microprobe.... so only people actually studying optics need crystallography. Or if, perhaps, you like doing optical microscopy to an extremely high degree of precision during power blackouts. I know it costs $ to use the machines... but its cheap. I mean like $25 per hour (researchers) cheap. And plus they do lots of other useful things like tell you exact compositions of minerals. Enough geo ranting.

I finally found the nearest beer store and stocked up on Sleeman cream ales... they're not the best but they're probably my favourite non-import. Some imports seem to lose a lot in tranportation too (eg Newcastle Brown Ale: amazing on tap, rubbish from a can). Nevermind this stuff is pretty smooth and easy to drink.

I'm bored and really really don't think that reading any more papers on isograds and P-T-t paths will kill the boredom. More than anything I just want to get out and do some field mapping. I'm good at it and it is my most favourite thing to do in the whole world. Maybe a job with the GSC is my best career option... they only hire PhDs now but thats only 6 or 7 yrs away...

I leave my adoring fans with some quotes...

Women are like elephants, I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
Billy Connolly

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
Emo Philips

Holding meetings near electricity pylons is dangerous. Just because it sounds a bit like pie-lon, doesn't mean there's hot and tasty fun to be had. Remember, only a dick plays with mr. electricity.
(weebl and bob episode: egg)

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
Spike Milligan

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Carl Zwanzig

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
Time Vine

And as you walk about the streets of whatever place you live, remember that there are two types of pedestrians. The quick and the dead.

That's enough. Someday I'll probably quote the goon show or some python too. Now running low on beer again... why is the gas tank always at the E?

Cheers mates.

Hallo fledgling fan-base.

I forget what I wrote in the first post there... but much has happened since then. I finished my job, bought a sweet laptop, went on a Carribean cruise, and moved to Calgary to start my masters. No kidding. But as 99.999999999% of the people who will read this already know all that, i don't know why I bothered to state it all. Probably for my own enjoyment... yeah thats right, my life is going places.

The apartment is not bad; its small and I have one roommate (quiet respectful easygoing CS student - and also chinese-venezuelan (bet you never met a chinese-venezuelan before)), but the landlord is a really nice guy who is desperate to fix anything I can find wrong with the place, the rent is cheap, and the location is really killer. 15 minutes from geology dept, 5 from co-op and buses/train station, and 15 from a big mall. There's also a big park called Nose Hill park with an outstanding view of the city just up the road. I am aware that my paint-made labels in the picture are barely visible. They say (left to right) university (should extend to left of photo), co-op, apartment (approx). the view is to approximately 285 degrees. From Nose Hill park. Actually its not a hill, its totally flat off into the distance at the top... because it is the prairies, and Calgary-proper is in the Bow River valley.

I'm playing a lot of super nintendo games these days... got an emulator and some great old games... man this takes me back. Its better if you get a gamepad though. Oh yeah you need a special program to unzip them (I think).

Enough for today. Don't worry, my people, I shall return.